Disappointments

One of the greatest disappointments in my life was when I had to break up with my first girlfriend. I had been pursuing her from 14yrs old and I had made her the primary focus of my life. Because of my very conservative upbringing, all of my pursuits were minor and disguised somewhat. Neither my family nor hers would have seen a formal boyfriend/girlfriend situation as being OK.

I finally was financially stable enough to begin the process of courting her with marriage in view. We were about 20 years old at this time. I had poured so much of my life into her and my mind was fixed upon marriage.

The courtship began in March of 2011. What followed was four months of utter bliss. We were able to share our hearts with one another and talk about our plans for the future. We were nearing the time when we would have commenced with engagement when suddenly, through a sermon I listened to, "Openness and Brokenness" by Paul and Jenny Speed, I was convicted of some unconfessed sin I had in my life. I knew that this sin would make me ineligible for marriage in the sight of her family.

I cried the entire night that God got hold of me, convicting me of my sin. I knew that this would end the courtship and put marriage out of view for a long time. Nevertheless, I was far too convicted to lie and pretend like my life was in order, and so the next morning I called her father and told him I needed to talk with him. Later that day, I told him everything. They prayed about what they should do and two days later ended the courtship. It didn't come as a surprise, I knew that ending the courtship was the right thing to do.

I hadn't eaten anything since the day I was convicted, being full of remorse. Later that day, I began eating again. I was relieved that the hardest part was over, or so I thought. It was the first time I have ever really grieved over something. One minute I was in denial, thinking that any moment I could get a phone call that would turn it all around. The next, I would be angry about the situation, angry at myself, angry at them, and angry at God. Obviously, I was also very depressed at times. Quite a roller-coaster of emotion to ride on.
 
After several months I was able to see and understand that I had come to a place of acceptance, trusting God's will was the best for me.

Looking back, after a few years, I can see how God has used this disappointing experience to grow me spiritually and to guide and direct me through life.

Praise God for His mercy to me in this situation.