Test In Contentment

Several months ago I wrote a post that mentioned contentment. Recently, the Lord did something in this area of my life.

I began to feel the Lord leading me to pursue a young lady. I carefully switched gears and began investigating this woman. This was not an easy thing to accomplish, but the Lord opened several doors and answered prayers, we're talking freak situations that lined things up perfectly for me to get to know more about her.

She had a lot of what I was seeking in a wife, she lined up with all of my major convictions, seemed to love her family and have a good relationship with Christ. All of this was a long process and I was constantly reminded about how I needed to keep my eyes fixed on contentment in singleness, should it not work out. I sought out the opinion of many godly influences in my life and prepared to  make the call to her father.

I was about to make the call when I began to feel convicted about the fact that I did not have God's clear direction to pursue this woman in particular, only a general OK to begin pursuing marriage. I decided that I wouldn't make the call until I had the Lords clear approval.

I prayed hard about it, surrendering my will, making sure I wasn't trying to twist His arm in this decision.

Thankfully, he did answer that this was the woman he wanted me to pursue. I was very excited and made the call.

At this point, with all of the Lord's involvement in the details, you would think this was going to work out, but what came next was a very simple and clear dismissal of my motion. It was hard to come to grips with this rejection.

What followed was a time where I wrestled to maintain contentment with my life, as it is, and accept, regardless of the reasons, that this pursuit was really over.

In that time I wrote this in my journal,

"Honestly, I feel very melancholy right now. I have so much I want to write about, but my thoughts seem to vanish as soon as they’re grasped. I have been wrestling a lot with discontentment and sorting through lies that come with the pain of rejection. What does God want me to do? Is He showing me something that I am blind to? Is there some great lesson that I should be learning in this trial or is it meaningless?"

Thankfully, He revealed that this whole thing was a test to help me flex the muscle of contentment. Though I still needed to work through some sadness, I was happy to have an answer. I am so glad that I was careful to seek His guidance every step of the way, because, had I not, I would be reeling for an answer that I might never know. If I wasn't sure that it was God's will, then I could believe that it was just some random mistake of my own and the reason why it didn't work is because I was being disciplined.

So now I am back to where I began, relaxing in contentment with where God has me. No stress - God will tell me when it is time to move.