Idols of the heart

I had always thought that idolatry was the worshiping of objects. I read that in the past people bowed down to idols made of wood and metal but today our idols are materialism, money, power, etc.

This is true, but what the Lord has been showing me the past several years is that anything, even good things, can be an idol if it becomes too "big" in our lives. I began to see how my life revolved around these different things.

I loved being around friends (who doesn't?), having a good time. We would get together and have great fun playing all sorts of games. So exciting! I saw how this desire began to control me. A new social event would be on the horizon and life was up. I could live off of the steam of excitement over events for days but once the social event had come and gone, I was left feeling depressed, like I had nothing else to live for. Then a new event came into view, how thrilling! And the cycle continued. Isn't that idolatry? Looking for satisfaction in the fleeting enjoyment life offers.

Another thing I saw myself doing was worshiping music, artists, and bands. It was all about the experience and following someone who was "awesome". I would spend my money on the newest cds when they were just released instead of waiting a month for them to go on sale. It became the driving force behind why I am alive. That is idolatry. I was looking for something to fulfill me.

I was focusing my life around these things trying to find purpose and meaning. Graciously and patiently the Lord began to show me how I was living in idolatry. I slowly began to see that true satisfaction can only be found in Him. I was able to release many idols and look to the Lord for satisfaction instead of the world and its goods. There were still some giants in my life though, and the Lord began to pry on one. One I was not willing to release easily.

Ever since I was young I have had a desire to be married. Now, I know what your thinking, "Wait! That is a good desire!" Yes. It is a good, God-given desire, but any desire that begins to be the thrust of our life, the thing we keep pressing for, the thing that gives us hope and joy and purpose, has probably become an idol. This is what the Lord was putting His finger on. 

I wish I could tell you that after coming to realize that this was an idol in my life that I quickly surrendered it and it was done, but what followed was a several year struggle to keep this at the forefront of my life. Time and time again God would show me that I couldn't have marriage on my own terms, I would have to choose between living in His will without marriage or living outside of it in a marriage that would surely be less than God's ideal. 

Finally, when I could grasp the gravity of the situation and the pain I caused myself and others in all my wanderings, then I began to surrender. But, as I have found in my life, the only way to maintain a yielded state before God is to continually surrender to Him. It is not enough to say it once and forget about our stance shortly after. 

I am still learning this principal of "daily surrender" and so I still struggle with keeping marriage "on the shelf" in my thoughts and actions. One of the hardest things to discern is how I am to look at the future. Marriage has been a part of my thinking from very early on in life, and so, it has been hard to find the boundary in my mind. Do I continue to compare potential spouses, or do I forbid it in my mind? 

I have found it helpful, in my own case, to consider all thoughts regarding marriage as being "off limits". I am sure many would say I am taking this way too far. I mean, I will shortly be turning 23, and the whole "living with my parents" thing doesn't make me feel very cool. Surely this is being taken too far, right? The entire conservative Christian movement is saying things like, "get married early" and "race towards marriage" so surely I am incorrect in thinking this way, huh?

Sorry. I know this is where God wants me to be at this time. It may change in the future and I am open to God working to make that happen, but right now it is my task to live in perfect contentment in the state I am. I embrace it. I look forward to what God has in mind for me right now instead of longing for that day "when I am married". 

As it is every time we surrender our lives to God, we find better life and more abundant life. I have found this true even just in the short time I have been practicing this yielded life. 

What idols are you holding onto? God wants you to lay them down so He can do a deeper work in your life.